The Daily Bugle Newspaper
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March 18, 2014

By Ned Leeds, City Bureau

A daring nighttime raid by Spider-Man on a nondescript townhouse in Greenwich Village led to the arrest of the reputed organized crime boss, The Big Man. Spider-Man, having conducted his own investigation and in another instance of his now all-too-common vigilantism, left the webbed-up gangster hanging from a lamp post, for the arrival of a surprised police squad.

But the biggest shock of all came when the mask of the Big Man was yanked off and the gangster was revealed to be Daily Bugle crime beat reporter Frederick Foswell! In a prepared statement, NYPD Major Crimes Unit Sergeant Stan Carter said, “Foswell confessed to his role as the organizing force behind the city’s recent surge in crime. He has not provided a motive for his actions.”

Daily Bugle Publisher and brilliant, stunning, generous philanthropist, J. Jonah Jameson issued a statement, “For the record, the Daily Bugle has been a proud institution in this great city for generations. We report the news, we don’t make ourselves a part of the story. Foswell’s a good writer. I look forward to reading his insider account of Ryker’s Island Penitentiary over the next twenty-five years to life.”